I went into this book with high expectations, as several people have said how much it helped them socially. I can't yet say whether it lived up to its reviews.
I think the book had a lot of good ideas. I expect I will try to use some of them, and actually already have. I especially liked the section on arguing (or not), and think national debates (not to mention local) might go a lot better if people applied the principles from this book.
It did seem to have its faults though. For one thing, it seemed kind of dated... I realize it was written in the 1930s, but it seems like human nature shouldn't have changed much since then, yet it feels like it has. For example, it's hard to imagine an owner of a large company giving you lots of his time and choosing your product over your competitors' just because you commented on something of interest to him (something that happens in about 25% of the book's examples). I recognize that this might be my limited experience though.
Also, it's pretty clear that this book is intended to help people with their business relations, rather than close personal relationships and such, though there are some points that apply to the latter. But in most of the examples, someone gets another to like them and secures a business deal or something out of it.
Though Mr. Carnegie stresses that sincerity is essential for his principles to work, it's hard, with all the examples ending in someone making out well business-wise, to keep that in mind, rather than thinking, "Okay, I just have to say what people want to hear; flatter them, pretend I'm interested in their interests, and they'll be eager to help me and do what I ask!" That's just a matter of how it's written though, I guess.
I will end by saying, again, that there are good points to be distilled out of the book, but it's not a complete and perfect guide to social interaction.
If you don't need this book, then chances are you don't talk to people. You do talk to people right? This book is well worth your time, if you don't learn anything from it then you probably have people skills to rival those of Charles Schwab or Abe Lincon.
I had heard about this book for years in various circles, in fact, I was even amused when it was referenced in the game "Baldurs Gate". I knew about it, yet I never took the time to read it. Well, I have now listened to it twice, and it will certanly get a third listening. I can't believe that I got this far in life and was unaware of some of the simple people skills presented in this work. Fortunately, I have done some of them naturally, and some have developed over time as I have grown up - still, had I had this book 20 years ago my life would have been a whole lot easier.
This book is not filled with "tricks" to get people to like you, rather, it is how to develop your own character so that people like you naturally, and you like them naturally as well. No "tricks" involved, but it certanly gives you better insight into the nature of people, and I can testify that it works incredibly well.
I was given a copy of this book when I was 17 years old, by my friend "Mad Harry". In it he wrote "Call me when you are Famous". Well I am not famous, but did get to be a director of a large company in my mid 30's, and I have to say, without this book, I doubt if I would have made it. I am known for getting things done with minimum conflict. Listen to this, it is very polite and old fashioned now, but the principles of how to deal with people are every bit as valid as when this wonderful book was written.
Like most children I ignored my father's advice, given years ago, that I should read this book. At age 45 I picked it up and can see Dad was (once again) right and I was wrong. Some of these ideas will sound familiar to you because you may already practice them. Old ideas like personal integrity, connecting with people on a thoughtful and personal level, being able to admit your mistakes, being forthright, candid and authentic in your dealings and being actually interested in people and what they want (instead of just what you want!) are powerful and timeless. Read this book with an open mind, noting that it is an old book and the references are from a man's world of old - but the principles apply to all genders. I apply these concepts to my law practice every day and find they have increased my income and grown my referral network. Put this one on your shelf, it is worth the price.
This is a great book. It will increase your people skills and teach you to appreciate and be interested in other people. I have read other people skills books and found this one to be the most authentic. I do not want to be "fake" when dealing with people and this book does not teach you to be a flattering liar like some other books I have read. It was what I was looking for to improve my people skills.
The title doesn't do it justice. I was half expecting some slimeball manual of how to fake being a sympathetic person. On the contrary, this is a classic. Its message is that if you want to do well with people, you'd better become interested and considerate and pleasant to be around. The book tells you how, over and over, with principles and examples and anecdotes. The book was written in 1936 and listening to the audio version is rather like watching an old black and white movie. It's a little corny nowadays, but in an extremely charming way. I found myself enjoying the politeness of a byegone age and looking forward to the next installment. After listening once and becoming inspired, I requested a job upgrade, and my boss was smiling as he agreed. Wow! I was so shocked that I think I instantly forgot everything I learned. You bet I'll be coming back to study this one.
The fact that this book was published in 1936 and is still a top seller today says a lot more than I can manage to convey in this review.
The book is filled with sound practical advice. It is probably the best book ever written on human relations. Anyone and everyone should find it to be a valuable guide, whether in personal, family, or business relationships. Despite the title, which some may consider overly aggressive by todays'standards, the practices discussed in the book are in no way manipulative. To the contrary, this book helps you learn the art and skill of conversation and persuasion through attentiveness to, and consideration of others.
This is not a story that you listen to once and get rid of it. It is a reference manual that you will be able to use and refer to for years to come. I own it in hardback, as well as on cassette (remember those?) so I was excited to see a digital version made available. I bought it immediately and now look forward to being able to enjoy it again and again on my MP3 player.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
✦ Six ways to make people like you
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
3. Remember a person's name.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
✦ Win people to your way of thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.
✦ Be a Leader
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Great book. I love all he historical examples the author gives you that deal with different situations and how we should handle those situations. Very well written. I wrote down a list of quotes that really stood out to me and teach me how to deal with people a lot better and improve my own communication and listing skills. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to improve their communication and other skill when we deal with people every single minute of the day at work or at home.