The title doesn't do it justice. I was half expecting some slimeball manual of how to fake being a sympathetic person. On the contrary, this is a classic. Its message is that if you want to do well with people, you'd better become interested and considerate and pleasant to be around. The book tells you how, over and over, with principles and examples and anecdotes. The book was written in 1936 and listening to the audio version is rather like watching an old black and white movie. It's a little corny nowadays, but in an extremely charming way. I found myself enjoying the politeness of a byegone age and looking forward to the next installment. After listening once and becoming inspired, I requested a job upgrade, and my boss was smiling as he agreed. Wow! I was so shocked that I think I instantly forgot everything I learned. You bet I'll be coming back to study this one.
The fact that this book was published in 1936 and is still a top seller today says a lot more than I can manage to convey in this review.
The book is filled with sound practical advice. It is probably the best book ever written on human relations. Anyone and everyone should find it to be a valuable guide, whether in personal, family, or business relationships. Despite the title, which some may consider overly aggressive by todays'standards, the practices discussed in the book are in no way manipulative. To the contrary, this book helps you learn the art and skill of conversation and persuasion through attentiveness to, and consideration of others.
This is not a story that you listen to once and get rid of it. It is a reference manual that you will be able to use and refer to for years to come. I own it in hardback, as well as on cassette (remember those?) so I was excited to see a digital version made available. I bought it immediately and now look forward to being able to enjoy it again and again on my MP3 player.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
1. Don't criticize.
2. Give honest and sincere appreciation.
3. Arouse in the other person an eager want.
✦ Six ways to make people like you
1. Become genuinely interested in other people.
3. Remember a person's name.
4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
5. Talk in terms of the other person's interests.
6. Make the other person feel important - and do it sincerely.
✦ Win people to your way of thinking
1. The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.
2. Show respect for the other person's opinions. Never say, "You're wrong."
3. If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.
4. Begin in a friendly way.
5. Get the other person saying "yes, yes" immediately.
6. Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
7. Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
8. Try honestly to see things from the other person's point of view.
9. Be sympathetic with the other person's ideas and desires.
10. Appeal to the nobler motives.
11. Dramatize your ideas.
12. Throw down a challenge.
✦ Be a Leader
1. Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
2. Call attention to people's mistakes indirectly.
3. Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
4. Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
5. Let the other person save face.
6. Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement.
7. Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
8. Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
9. Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
Great book. I love all he historical examples the author gives you that deal with different situations and how we should handle those situations. Very well written. I wrote down a list of quotes that really stood out to me and teach me how to deal with people a lot better and improve my own communication and listing skills. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to improve their communication and other skill when we deal with people every single minute of the day at work or at home.
I've heard about this book for years, and now I've finally gotten the chance to see what it's all about. This book is well known with over 15 million copies sold. It is the quintessential handbook for people who need help in winning people over. The advise in this book is straight forward and easy to incorporate into your life. It's made to help you in business relationships, and sales. The advise is common sense for the most part, but makes a lot of sense. Some parts are things you would do as a decent person. If someone has to tell you not to speak ill of people and to instead build them u pick with positivity, then you are probably not the nicest person, however it is good advise. Some of it is about having good manners, which again, should be something obvious but not everyone follows that advise these days. Most of these things are things that I do naturally and basically the book is following a general timeless rule.
Be decent to people and treat them well and care about what they have to say and they will like you. It should be a given but the majority of people have long since lost these values. The advise I would give is don't just follow this as a set of rules, because there will be one ingredient missing, sincerity. You have to be sincere with all of these things because then it should just come naturally. There are a few rules that I don't whole heartedly agree with, for instance don't fight- give in, to a certain point not fighting is good advise, but also don't lose yourself and your convictions. This is where the rule would work for people that you meet vaguely in social situations but not in real relationships.Overall I think this is. A good set of rules to go by, and can really help a lot of people who don't understand the basics of not being a jerk. If anyone has ever told you that you are obnoxious or overbearing or have some other personality flaw..This is for you. Most people could learn something from this book.
I'm not going to lie, I've never been much of a self-help book fan. They too often strike me as either over-simplified pablum for the slightly dim masses or as just a sleazy way to learn how to manipulate others. I realize this is one of, if not THE, classic tomes on the subject, so I figured it couldn't be all bad. And indeed, it's actually quite informative and fun.
You might be tempted to smile at the 1930's vernacular and references to gangsters and outlaws of the time. Yet I think one thing this book proves is that some some situations are eternal and that a well-written anecdote is timelessly entertaining. Reading this also feels like an exciting history lesson, I learned more about Lincoln, his motivations and his life than I ever did in school- and I gained a new respect for what an amazing president and man he was.
I don't completely agree with all of the advice given here. I think using it in your personal life would end with you seeming cold and calculating and have the opposite effect of winning friends. However, in business of any sort, in leadership positions, even in casual social situations that don't go very deep, I feel this provides a plethora of useful and insightful information
My Dad gave me a copy of this when I graduated highschool in the 90s but I wasn't "ready" for it yet, I don't even think I read it to be honest. Now I'm 37 and realizing that I've put my personal growth on the back burner for entirely too long. I had pretty much given up on making new adult friends. I had actually self-diagnosed myself with Asperger's because I was having such a difficult time trying to figure out why people (including myself) do the things that do. The realization that my marriage was being effected by my nearly empty toolbox of social skills promoted me to take personal responsibility and shoulder the blame myself for once instead of blaming everyone around me for everything. I grew up with a hypercritical Mother so I think I had promised myself that I would never be criticized again, even if that meant writing people off the instant I felt like I had made myself vulnerable enough to be hurt by them.
I couldn't find the copy that my dad gave me so I ordered a new one and chapter 1 alone is changing the way I look at EVERYTHING. I've been plagued with mild depression/anxiety for 20 years and I'm realizing that I've developed some unhealthy defense mechanisms to cope with these issues. I never turned to drugs or alcohol, but the fortress-like walls I've constructed to deal with criticism (real or perceived) aren't much better for me. I've re-read and taken notes on the first section of the book several times now and my wife is noticing and she seems quite relieved, i had no idea I could impact another persons life so strongly.
Like I said, I am only getting started with the book and it has already helped me enough to warrant a 5-star rating. This book has stood the test of time for a reason and I can see why now. The strategies are applicable to and helpful in all aspects of my life so far, from my marriage to my job, and even to the way I interact with clerks in gas stations. I've read numerous self help books in the past, seen a therapist for 3 years, been through the gauntlet of antidepressants, etc, and until now I thought I was wasting my time. I've been learning things all along, but I never learned how to actually apply the things I had learned until now. This book speaks my language and if your background sounds even remotely similar I have a feeling that you'll agree. (Posted on 4/25/2017)